Dating Standards & Preferences Across the U.S.

Everyone has their own idea of what makes a perfect match. For some, it’s about shared values or a good sense of humor. For others, it might come down to lifestyle, career goals, or simply a feeling of connection.

To better understand how dating preferences vary across the country, the team at Ritani surveyed more than 2,400 people from 48 states. The results highlight where dating standards are the most defined, what qualities people value in a partner, and how expectations naturally vary across different states.

Whether you're just starting your love story or dreaming about the next big step, these insights offer a fresh perspective on what people cherish in a relationship.

​States with the Strongest Dating Preferences​​

While everyone approaches dating a little differently, some states stand out for having residents who know exactly what they want in a potential partner. From lifestyle choices to personality traits, these preferences help paint a picture of what dating looks like across the country.

Based on survey responses from nearly every state, we created a dating standards index to show which states have the highest and lowest expectations when it comes to choosing a partner. The higher the score, the more factors residents said were important when deciding whether or not they’d date someone.

​States That Know What They Want in a Partner​

These states scored highest in our index, showing that residents tend to prioritize more qualities when it comes to potential partners:

1. Utah – 66.9

2. California – 63

3. New York – 60.8

4. Maryland – 57.4

5. North Carolina – 56.1

Utah tops the list, which demonstrates a regional culture that often emphasizes shared values and long-term commitment. California and New York, both known for their fast-paced lifestyles, also rank highly, perhaps because residents have more opportunities to meet people and are more selective with their time. Maryland and North Carolina round out the top five, reflecting a thoughtful balance between traditional and modern dating expectations.

States With the Most Flexible Dating Preferences

On the other end of the spectrum, these states had the lowest scores on the dating standards index, indicating a more flexible approach to dating:

1. South Carolina – 31.5

2. Kentucky – 32

3. North Dakota – 32.4

4. Massachusetts – 34

5. West Virginia – 34.2

Many of these states are less populated and more rural, where dating pools may be smaller and people might be more open to giving someone a chance they might not have otherwise. Massachusetts stands out as the exception here, showing that even in more urban areas, dating standards can widely vary.

South Carolina stands out as the most flexible state when it comes to dating preferences, which is interesting because North Carolina came in the top five in the other direction. This shows that larger regional trends may not always coincide with what people in each state feel.

Overall, there’s no right or wrong way to date. It’s all about what matters to you. These rankings simply show how priorities shift across the country. Next, we’ll take a closer look at the specific traits Americans consider most important when looking for a partner.

​What Do Americans’ Dating Preferences Look Like?

From lifestyle choices to shared values, dating preferences across the U.S. showcase what people genuinely appreciate in a partner. While everyone’s vision of the perfect match is unique, our survey uncovered some trends that many daters seem to share.

Here are a few of the most notable takeaways:

• The average minimum salary Americans would prefer their partner to earn is $50,184.

For context, the average annual median wage in the U.S. is about $49,500, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. These numbers reflect how many people are thinking practically about the rising cost of living and the importance of financial stability in long-term relationships

• About half of Americans (46%) would prefer to date someone with a stable career. While ambition can take many forms, steady employment is still a widely appreciated trait. Although, the majority of Americans (54%) don’t mind if work is inconsistent

• 8 in 10 Americans are open to dating someone without a Bachelor’s degree. Education isn’t a dealbreaker for most—what matters more is the connection

• 70% of Americans say their partner’s height isn’t important to them. Despite common misconceptions, most people aren’t setting strict height expectations.

• 54% of Americans say physical fitness matters in a partner. For many, it’s less about appearance and more about shared lifestyles and health goals.

• 7 in 10 Americans wouldn’t date someone with very different political or social views. Shared values remain a key piece of compatibility in today’s dating landscape.

We finished our survey by asking people what the biggest dealbreakers would be in a budding relationship. These took the top spots:

• Not having a sense of humor (79%)

• Not having a job (60%)

• Carrying a lot of debt (49%)

• Not tipping well (47%)

• Not having strong opinions (40%)

Our results highlight that personality, responsibility, and how someone treats others matter more than their background or appearance. Together, these insights offer a deeper look at what drives dating decisions today.

​Closing Thoughts​

Dating standards vary widely, from state to state, and person to person. While some prioritize shared values or stable careers, others care more about humor or lifestyle. There’s no universal checklist, and that’s what makes relationships so personal.

At the end of the day, it’s about finding someone who feels like the right fit for you. And when that happens, it’s only natural to start thinking about what comes next—whether that’s a thoughtful gift or an engagement ring.

Whenever you’re ready for that next step, Ritani is here to help you celebrate it. Explore our selection of engagement rings and fine jewelry to mark the moments that matter most.

Methodology

To determine the states that have the most and least dating standards, we surveyed over 2,400 people from 48 states and asked them a series of questions about what they typically look for in a potential partner. The survey took place over two weeks in March 2025.

Our dating standards score is based on respondents’ answers to 15 questions about their dating preferences. The questions were designed to provide insight into what people are looking for when it comes to career paths, physical attributes, shared values, and vices, among others. Answers were given using different scales and were assigned values after the survey was complete. Answers that indicate someone was more particular got a higher score.

The average value for each question was calculated for each state and scaled. We weighted each question based on its importance to the study and totaled the values to give us a dating standards score for each state in the study.